Gift Shop

Old World Corn Gruel™ (temporarily out of stock)

To achieve the peak level of quality and flavor, we start with pure yellow and white corn grown from actual seeds, in actual soil, right here in the world. Then, we dry the corn on big metal racks before stripping off the kernels using a really big, loud machine. Then we grind it up using another machine so it becomes cornmeal. Then we mix it with pure, boiling water and a few shovelfuls of dehydrated goat’s blood* in a huge vat and the magic begins! Three to four hours later we have the greatest gruel that money can buy.** Old World Corn Gruel: It’s what people have been eating since there was gruel!® Ingredients: corn, water, dehydrated goat’s blood. Made in Taiwan. 1.50 USD. 2.00CAN. 3.00 GBP. 2.50 EUR. *Type of goat may vary. **As calculated withOld World dollars.

NEW & IMPROVED!Old World Corn Gruel™ – Now with salt! (temporarily out of stock)

Everything you’ve come to know and love about Old World Corn Gruel, now with salt! We traversed the globe in search of a new ingredient that might improve what has always seemed impossible to improve: Old World Corn Gruel. It’s been on your table for years, but take our word for it, Old World Corn Gruel is just a tiny bit better with salt, yet still low enough in salt not to cause high blood pressure or Scurvy. Old World Corn Gruel: It’s what people have been eating since there was gruel!® Ingredients: corn, dehydrated goat’s blood, salt. Made inTaiwan. 2.00 USD. 2.50 CAN. 3.50 GBP. 3.00 EUR.

Liquid Cake (temporarily out of stock)

All the rich, moist deliciousness of cake - IN A CAN! It almost seems too good to be true, but as soon as that first satisfying gulp goes down you'll be a believer. And best of all, you'll be able to enjoy cake wherever you go*, 24/7! Plus, Liquid Cake is fortified with vitamins and minerals to keep you and your loved ones healthy and Scurvy-free**. Ingredients: Cake, liquid***, natural ingredients, artificial ingredients. 1.00 USD. 1.50 CAN. 2.00 GBP. 1.75 EUR. *Liquid Cake not intended for use underwater. **Liquid Cake has not been proven to cure or prevent Scurvy. ***Type of liquid may vary.

Scurvy Survival Kit (temporarily out of stock)

Keep Scurvy at bay - at home or on the go - with this indispensable survival kit. The citrus products have tough rinds for durability and, when eaten, the fleshy, juicy fruit can impede the onset of Scurvy for a week or more. Includes: citrus products*, handy carrying pouch**. Made in Taiwan. 19.00 USD. 24.00 CAN. 38.00 GBP. 29.00 EUR. *Citrus products may vary. **Pouch type may vary.

Scurvy Breathalizer (temporarily out of stock)

Never worry again that Scurvy might have already wracked your body with its deathly venom. One puff of breath into this sleek handheld device is enough to produce a scientifically accurate* calculation of your Scurvy Illness Quotient (SIQ). In the car. In the woods. Anytime, anywhere! Made in Taiwan. 1,299.00 USD. 1,799.00 CAN. 2,299.00 GBP. 2,099.00 EUR. *As determined by board-certified** scientists. ** Scientist Certification Board.

Indestructible NanoMouse(temporarily out of stock)

Made famous by Richard Morris's heartwarming debut novel (coming soon), this little dynamo is sure to beguile pets and children alike. Just toss it on the floor and watch the silliness begin! Made from titanium and carbon/silicon NanoFur technology, this delightful toy will endure even the cruelest of punishment* and be around to provide household enjoyment for years to come. Made in Taiwan. 279.00 USD. 328.00 CAN. 465.00 GBP. 422.00 EUR. *WARNING: Indestructible Nanomouse is highly flammable and may ignite when exposed to direct sunlight.